From the desk of Joe Kartikul

I used to feel bad about throwing food away, until I realized that I'm not wasting it, I'm making sure poor people can't have it.
-Kevin Corrigan (@KevinCorrigan)
Curiosity killed my cat, and my best friend. I really should've named my alligator something else.
-Brian Mates
I never knew what my dad meant when he said "You got to spend money to make money" until he got arrested for counterfeiting.
-Caldwell Tanner (@Caldy)
My grandfather mixed his advice with Alzheimer's at the end. Now I know that a penny saved is a lobster.
-Lev Novak
My girlfriend and I do it missionary all the time. I tell her how my beliefs are right, and she slams the door in my face.
-Mitchell Claxton
Living with OCD can be a pretty difficult disorder to endure. It certainly makes for a hard knock knock knock life.
-Jake Klocksien (@JKlock) 
I'm really hoping Michael Douglas wins his battle with cancer. Who else am I going to confuse Martin Sheen with?
-Danny Mantler
I absolutely hate setting a bad example for kids. That’s why I feel so bad about not wearing a seat belt when I pleasure myself in the school parking lot.
-Linus Paraprosdokian