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Worst part about having a girlfriend: Having to change underwear daily


I decided to amuse myself this summer by dating a 19 year old who never graduated from high school (I'm 22 and just finished a college degree). He told me he didn't care if I slept with other guys but that he wanted me to tell him if I did. Why? He was afraid I'd get syphilis or herpes and give it to him and that it would develop into AIDS. Maybe he should have stayed in school and taken some health ed classes.


In high school I dated this loser for 3 years (who's the dumb one?) and broke up with him just before graduation, with the excuse that I didn't want a boyfriend during college. After rebounding with this one kid, my ex came over to my house and started screaming at me saying I was playing games, to which my mom yelled out the window, "She can sleep with whoever she wants, she's had all her shots!" Thanks mom.


I watched a whole season of Gossip Girl with my girl friend… and didn't even get laid.


Breaking the silence following a round of sex, I commented to my girlfriend on how loudly her watch ticked. She told me that she has another watch identical to it (don't ask me why). I jokingly asked her if they tick at exactly the same time. Her response: "Well, they used to not, but I left them next to each other on the counter overnight and they synced up."


My boyfriend and I started watching a new TV series online, and we liked it so much we ended up watching the whole first season and most of the second in a weekend. I was bored while he was at work the next day, and I was so anxious to see what happened that I watched the last few episodes of the season. I knew he hated spoilers and would be pissed if I revealed anything, so when I mentioned I'd watched some while he was out I made sure not to say or imply anything about what happened. Apparently he felt that just watching the show without him was some horrible kind of disrespect and showed a complete lack of self control on my part. He spent about an hour ranting to me about how out of control I was and then wouldn't talk to me for three days. It didn't take me long to realize it was time to break up.


Last winter, I was visiting a friend at his school. I met this girl at a party and walked her back to her sorority house. I carried her on my back most of the way since it was snowing and she was in heels. I also let her wear my hat because her ears were cold. When we got to her house, she had to go talk to someone while I talked to her roommate and roommate's boyfriend (who didn't drink and were total buzzkills). I went to the bathroom to pee and heard my girl come back and tell her roommate that she wanted me to stay. Her roommate said I was "too gay to stay."


I was recently enlightened onto why my friend's nickname is "altar boy" and I was told this story… one drunken night he took a girl to our on-campus church (as we are a private methodist school) and proceeded to give her the business in the top balcony of our chapel. Suddenly the lights flicked on and a very elderly lady walke in and started to play the organ. Needless to say, he finished, and had to army crawl through the double doors to escape a very uncomfortable confrontation. God was with him that night.