Dear Diary,

 

Aug. 12 - Moved to our new home in Canada. I am so excited. It's so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them.

 

Oct. 14 - Canada — it is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful countryside and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here!

 

Nov. 11 - Remembrance Day. Deer season starts soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I love it here!

 

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shovelled the driveway. We had a snowball fight. When the snow plough came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Canada!

 

Dec. 12 - More snow last night. The snow plough did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.

 

Dec. 19 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. It's beautiful here but I'm exhausted from shovelling. Fucking snow plough.

 

Dec. 22 - More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands and a sore back from shovelling. I think the snow plough hides around the corner until I'm done shovelling the driveway. Asshole.

 

Dec. 25 - Merry Fucking Christmas! More fucking snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonuvabitch who drives the snow plough, I swear I'll kill the motherfucker. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the fucking ice.

 

Dec. 27 - More white shit last night. Been inside for three days now except for shovelling out the driveway after that snow plough goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, the car's stuck in a mountain of white crap and it is so fucking cold. The weatherman says to expect another 25 centimetres of the shit again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 25 centimetres is?

 

Dec. 28 - That fucking weatherman was wrong. We got 90 centimetres of the crap this time. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snow plough got stuck up in the road and that bastard came to my door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him that I had already broken six shovels shovelling out all the crap he had pushed into my driveway, I damn near broke my last one over his fucking head.

 

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on my way back a damned deer ran in front of the car. Did about $13,000 damage to the car. They should be fucking killed. The bastards are everywhere. Wish the hunters had slaughtered them all last November.

 

May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusted out from all that salt they put all over the fucking roads.

 

May 10 - Moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in fucking Canada!