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Time Traveler Advice: "Live life one day at a time, just not necessarily in that order."
I really like the word ‘frequently,’ I try and use it as often as I can.
I really hope my kids become famous. Then I can just go check on IMDB when I forget their names
I would never take drugs- that's stealing!
I wanted to be rich, so I robbed a bank. Now I just need to figure out what to do with all this sperm.
After all these years, I just don't get why people still don't forgive Michael Vick. All he did was set up a real life pokemon battle
There is one thing I can give and still keep: my word. Also herpes.
What would Jesus do with a drunken sailor for a Klondike bar?
My mom died of natural causes A tree ate her.