(Phone rings and I answer)

Me: Mmm…Whadaya want?

Parent: Um, yes hello? I'm calling to ensure that all of my son's first year application materials have been received by the college.

Me: Mhmm.

Parent: Well…could you please check if you got them?

Me: Eh…Naw I don't feel like it.

Parent: Excuse me?

Me: I'm too work for drunk.

Parent: Sir, I'd like to speak with your supervisor immediately.

Me: Oh you definitely don't. That guy's an asshole.

Parent: Young man, please do not speak to me with that disrespectful attitude. If you don't put your supervisor on the phone this instant, I will call back later to make a formal complaint!

Me: Well I'd love to help ya lady but he's not here right now. Would you like to speak to Professor Fart instead? (Puts phone up against ass and farts)

Parent: How dare you! You should be ashamed of yourself for this obscene behavior.

Me: I know you're making words right now but all I hear is blah-blah-I'm a whiny buzzkill-blah.

Parent: You know, its burnouts like you that have caused our society to forsake the value of a good education. 

Me: Ah sorry, I honestly didn't hear anything you said this time. I just got an e-mail saying I get free Netflix for a month. Any reccomendations?

Parent: Grow up

(Parent hangs up)

Me: Are you fucking kidding me? Grown ups looks horrible. Besides, Adam Sandler hasn't made a funny movie since Little Nicky. Oh wait you were…nevermind.

(I check time and realize it is 1:30 p.m. I decide to rent Pineapple Express instead. Good day so far.)