Live from the internet, it's 105%!

I saw a really old picture of a guy working out. He was quite sepia toned.
-Matt Powers
Some things are better left unsaid. Like cliches.
-Andrew Hastings (@AndrewHastings)
I park in handicapped spots, which I think is fine because I'm morally handicapped.
-Lev Novak
Don't cry over spilled milk, unless your friend is drowning in it.
-Caldwell Tanner (@Caldy)
In Australia, when playing chess, they have to say "checkmate" and "checkmatemate" to avoid confusion.
-The NTC
Is it still considered manslaughter if it's a woman? And if it's on purpose?
-Sarah Hubschman
Music to My Fears
I'm a classically trained pianist. Whenever I made a mistake, my father beat me with "War and Peace."
-Wiseguy Pictures (@WiseguyPictures)
My best friend and I once got into an argument, where he told me that I never listen and only hear what I want to hear. Then he retracted it and complemented me on the size of my penis.
-Simon Hall