Mario, deep in the bowels of the final castle, pelts the terrible monster Bowser with fireballs granted to him by the mystical magic flower. Success! The monster flips upside down and perishes, granting our hero 10 000 points!

MARIO: At last! A-finally, the princess is safe-

PEACH: Mario! You're so brave, I knew you'd-

BOWSER: Whoa, whoa, whoa, five seconds here buddy?

MARIO: A-wha…? I a-just killed you!

BOWSER: Yeah, I know. It hurt.

MARIO: Well… I a-don't mean to make a big fuss here, but aren't you a-supposed to be… well… dead?

Bowser grins. He pulls a green mushroom out from behind his back and bites into it.

MARIO: What the f***?

BOWSER: Yeah, I got the idea when I saw you die by accidentally running into a hole in the ground.

PEACH: Oh Mario, My savi- wait, what?

BOWSER: At first I was like, "oh, my nemesis just died an incredibly pointless and anticlimactic death… now what do I do?"

PEACH: Is he serious? My hero died because he ran into a f***ing hole in the ground?

MARIO: But, but a-princess!! I got another chance by eating this green mushroom!

BOWSER: Yes, at first I just thought they were… well… mushrooms, until I witnessed your little miracle.  I noticed, and I thought… "Wow, I guess those things really are good for something. I could get behind that."

MARIO: But a-they're not supposed to work on you!

PEACH: A hole in the ground! What happened next? Did you touch a plant? Scary! Oo! Maybe a fish? Or how about one of those little brown mushroomy-things that can't jump, have no weapons and CAN BARELY F***ING MOVE?br>
BOWSER: You're hardly being fair, Mario. You get to die all the time in what are seriously the stupidest of ways, but after I get hit with a couple fireballs, the game is yours? Do you know what it's like to be a dragon and have an overweight plumber as your nemesis? How about the fact that he can fuck up a million times and still beat you because he won't ever die?

MARIO: But I'm the hero, and it's really really hard…

PEACH: You ran into a hole in the ground.

MARIO: … Okay,  yeah.


BOWSER: Seriously though, this mushroom advances the practise of medecine into the realm of immortality… the possibilities are… umm… guys?

PEACH: Seriously?
A f***ing hole in the ground??