I am a big fan of Jake and Amir. I wrote this script and I think it would be really funny if it was turned into an episode.

INTRO

Jake: Hey, your watchi-
Amir: YOU MOTHER F*CKER! ILL F*KING KILL YOU!
Jake: What's wrong with you?!
Amir: That's for my shrink to figure out

 

 

Amir: Alright! I am so psyched for us!
Jake: What are you talking about?
Amir: We're moving in together, remember?
Jake: I never agreed to that and there is no way in hell that you're moving into my apartment.
Amir: I sent you an email
Jake: For the last time, you can't send emails on a typewriter. We went over that like four months ago. And even so, I didn't reply, so I never agreed.
Amir: Wow so you're just going to let them hurt me?
Jake: Who is them?
Amir: These guys wearing blue uniforms. They have guns and hit me with their giant sticks
Jake: Wow, you're running from the police.
Amir: Now you understand my situation. I need to hang out at your place for a while.
Jake: There is no way I am hiding a fugitive. What did you even do anyway?
Amir: I don't know, they chased after me in my car after LeRon asked me to hold onto some flour for him.
Jake: Oh my god, you're hiding coke for your cousin.
Amir: No you idiot, coke is a soft drink.
Jake: Coke is also a drug that's illegal. That's why they're coming after you.
Amir: Which is why I need to hide at your place.
Jake: No! I thought I was clear on that.
Amir: But I already moved everything I have into your apartment.
Jake: What?
Amir: Yeah I just found the perfect spot to keep my toenail clippings collection.
Jake: That's Disgusting!
Amir: Don't worry, most of them aren't even mine.
Jake: That's even more disgusting. And how did you get into my apartment? You need the key.
Amir: Pth. No you don't.
Jake: So you broke into my apartment?
Amir: No
Jake: So in the past two days you've commited drug possession, trespassing, and resisting arrest.
Amir: I don't know what any of those things were.
Jake: Yeah well- wait a minute. You moved everything you own into my apartment?
Amir: Yeah.
Jake: So where's the coke right now?
Amir: I don't drink coke.
Jake: Fine, wheres the flour?
Amir: That reminds me, I accidentally spilled like a pound of it all over your carpet. I tried to vaccum it up but most of it wouldn't come up.
Jake: Oh my god so you spilled illegal drugs all over my apartment? How much do you even have?
Amir: Well LeRon gave me like 20 pounds and he's dropping more off tonight.
Jake: Where?
Amir: At our apartment silly.
Jake: It's my apartment, you're not moving in, and you're not turning it into a drug ring.
Amir: Do you know what they're going to do to me?
Jake: With that much coke, I'd say at least 50 years in prison.
Amir: No they'll cut out my liver and then feed it to me. Then They're going to cut off my dick, stuff it, turn it into a dildo, and then rape me with it.
Jake: Wow those are some very dark thoughts. And they're the police. According to the law, they can't do anything cruel and unusual to you.
Amir: What am I going to do?
Jake: Wait, I just thought of something. You don't even know where I live.
Amir: 153 Mariner Way, apartment 8D?
Jake: That's Pat's apartment.
Pat: (Police taking him away) Wait! I didn't do anything! Please!