Ever since the day that black hair started sprouting in regions I had yet to understand, I have had to use deodorant so I don’t scare away the women whom I am chasing with these newfound regions.  I’d say over the course of that time, I have attempted approximately 15 types of deodorants.

That is not including the times when you are in a hurry at the grocery store, and end up picking up the type that isn’t the anti-perspirant.  Which I think is a scam by the companies.  Who the hell wants just deodorant???  Do any of you know a person in this world that goes, “No, I don’t think I want the anti-perspirant.  Just give me the deodorant!”  If there are people like this, we need to ship them all to Montana forcing them to live in 3×3 rooms with 3 people per room so they smell each other all the time.  Then they will realize how horrid just deodorant is and say, “ENOUGH! Give me the anti-perspirant!”.

We will call it, “Rehab, for the stinky…”

Well, let’s get back on subject here, shall we?

In my experiences I have come to find that switching deodorants gives a person a cool confidence in their “smellability”.  To better describe a persons smellability, I have created a scale of 1-10.  One being the jackoffs that wear regular deodorant without the antiperspirant, and 10 being someone whom just changed deodorants and wiped a fresh layer on their armpits after a nice hot shower.

I believe, that over time, the effectiveness of deodorant weakens.  I believe our body starts to become immune to it.  How many of you end up increasing the amount you use every day because around 6pm, you just aren’t feeling as fresh as you were in the morning?  Then, its 3pm…then noon…next thing you know, you put the deodorant on and then go, “did someone just fart???”.

I’d say it is a slow process.  The latest proof is what I have been using for the past 3 years.  Axe “Phoenix” deodorant.  3 years ago I swore it was the greatest deodorant the world had ever seen.  I never sweated through my armpits.  But the past few months have given me a different result.  I feel as so I’m a 4 or 5 on the Smellability scale.  My tee-shirts all of a sudden show signs that I have been sweating through my armpits.  It disgusts me.  I want new shirts, must have new shirts, GIVE ME A FREAKIN NEW CLEAN SHIRT!

Then, it all occurred to me last week.  I ran out of the Axe.  Fortunately, I always keep a spare stick of deodorant that is a different kind than Axe.  That way I have a couple day buffer in which I can keep my smellability factor, and not have to move to Montana.  This time the spare was Old Spice.  A quite refreshing smell, although I don’t remember the name.  I’m sure it was something fancy like, “Cool Mist”, or “Rico Suave”.

Anyway, I realized that I haven’t been sweating through my armpits anymore.  I feel confident about my smellability.  ”I’M A TEN DAMMIT!”, I screamed this morning after giving myself a sniff.  I believe that my body got tired of the Axe, and wanted something new and refreshing.  I guess it would be like what all the D.A.R.E people told us about drugs.  At first you will like weed, but then your body wants more.  So, you start doing coke, then crack, then LSD, then you are doing tricks in the bathroom stall at the bus station for a hit of heroin.

Thankfully, deodorant is much easier to get.  And it is a lot cheaper.

So, I ask all of you, what is your smellability?  And is it time to give your body a reprieve from your old deodorant?  Try something new next time, you never know what will happen…