Recently we have seen a rise in news hype around security technices administered by the Transport Security Administration at major airports. I'd like to assist you by offering some tips that I've comprised to ease and entertain yourself through this tragic time of highly optimal security protocals.

Streamline the process by following closely to my sage wisdom.
Tear away outfits highly recomended.  Highly recomended!
Wearing clothes made of fishnet, nylon or selphane wrap.
*Chain mail is frowned upon, even if it's "Enchanted Chain Mail"
Skin tight spandex outfits matched to your skin tone. (I prefer to airbrush my own shading to embelish body contours.)

Curve ball pat-down suggestions.
McDonalds Cheese Burger into your breifs for safe keeping, if questioned just calmed explain you're being followed by the Hamburgler.


These are simply suggestions not a code of conduct while going through security.