Basically, if you were not aware of it, the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) in the US has installed this huge HD body scanners throughout major airports, which allow the viewer to see you practically naked.

I am certainly a fan of being naked. There is nothing better about living in Europe than nudist beaches in which you can spend lazy summer afternoons feeling how the sun literally kisses your ass. Not to mention the beauty of full-body tans without having to pay for the orangy Jersey-show glow of a salon, and, if you’re looking for a date, there is no better place to “check out” the goods before “buying” them.

If you ever decide to indulge in nudism, a good tip is to bring your sun block so you can make sure that your not-so-often revealed parts don’t end up turning the color of a baboon’s ass (potential nudist beach dates could confuse that with an STD). Plus, other additional advantages of sun block are preventing early aging and the development of skin cancer from long-term overexposure to the sun.

Yet, no matter much I might like to be naked in public places made for that, I like to do this voluntarily. Because as far as I know, forcing someone to be naked is not only violation of human rights, but can be considered sexual harassment and psychological violence. What this full body scans propose is a strip search without the physical contact, but you will have to exchange it for other potential risks:

As a likely target of this procedure, you should also know that full body imaging technology used for this scanners is done with radiation. Overexposure –of particular concern if you are a frequent traveler- is a health hazard that can lead to skin cancer, the development of cataracts and damage your DNA. Children, pregnant women and the elderly are particularly susceptible to the latter risk.  Given the price of healthcare in the US, this is a risk that –one would assume- most Americans would not be willing to take. The only prevention method in this case is not as easy as sun block, whereas it might sound familiar to you: abstinence.

So, don’t fear! The gracious TSA gives you another option, the gift of abstinence: you can “Opt out” of the full body scans, and receive a thorough body pat down instead. Yet, from such an experience earlier this year at the Ben Gurion airport, getting stripped down to your undies and getting a metal detector put in between your legs is no pleasant experience, not even if you are Samantha Jones from Sex in the City. And it definitely does not resemble one’s pre-conceived notions of abstinence when a big piece of metal gets to third base with you.

Going home for the holidays will now be an unforgettable experience: Voluntary nudism and violation of my human rights all in one, back in my home soil?! Oh my, goodie! Vive la liberté!

Nudism is a voluntary act that the most liberal of citizens chose to indulge in. Yet the new TSA policies allow the same thing – to see your fellow citizens stark naked- yet it is an idea that has been pushed by ultra-conservative and paranoid masterminds.  “What for?” you may ask. Well, for your own safety of course. You will be exposed to radiation and people will see what you look like under your clothes, in the name of safety and protection of the American populace.

So “Are there any guarantees that this will prevent potential acts of terrorism and ensure you won’t die in one this holiday season?” You bet your butt-naked self there aren’t.

I would rather lay on a nudist beach voluntarily, than to be photographed naked (and not even get paid for it!) by the TSA in the name of safety they cannot even guarantee. I will be wearing a body-suit while opting out, and will be avoiding the body scanners until they hand me a document guaranteeing me that if I develop any skin cancer or cataracts they will pay my medical bills and stating that they offer a hefty life insurance policy if I die in a terrorist-related attack. What will you do?