Sometimes you find something that you just can't get enough of.  It may be good for you, it may not. Sometimes that thing is 'Gary' from Teen Mom.  I am ADDICTED to Gary. I have a man crush on Gary.  There's nothing gay about it. I just cant get enough of that dude.

For those unfamiliar, Gary is/was Amber's fiancee. Together they have a daughter named Leah (or as i like to call her 'Little Gary').  Amber has alot of issues, and looks like she got gang banged by some tanning beds.  

She is mentally insufficient and rude to Gary; constantly flipping the script on him and making him seem like the bad guy.  Is Gary the bad guy? Fuck No.  He's fucking awesome.  But is Gary too dumb to know that he's not the bad guy?  Fuck Yes, he's Gary.

Gary is a tried and true ignorant American gentleman.  He is honest to a fault.  He is Paul Bunyan, but without the work ethic and physical abilities. Paul Bunyan is about 9ft tall, a bigger guy, with a healthy display of facial hair, who has a trusty blue ox. Gary looks just like every male waiter at Denny's or IHOP, and his trusty blue ox is ignorance; always at his side.  

Gary would make a great cooking apron model. 

     Gary can hold his two year old daughter in the palm of his hand. All Gary wants is to be a husband to Amber, and a father to Little Gary.  That is all he wants to do.  He doesn't guarantee he will do it well, but he wants to try. 

However, every segment with Gary and Amber follows these 10 steps… 

1. Amber has kicked Gary out for some reason

2. Leah is wandering around the house playing with a remote control, as Amber sits on the sofa, waiting for Gary to call.  (Laundry is piled everywhere)

3. Gary calls and says he wants to come over and 'talk'. 

4. Gary comes over, and barely makes it up the steps into the apartment.  He brings flowers and precious metals from Claire's Boutique. 


5. Gary gets down on one knee and promises he will try harder.  Though in fact he is already trying as hard as anyone should have to. 

6. Amber says she will give Gary another chance.  (Laundry is piled everywhere)

7. Then Gary says something, anything, one word, a sentence, anything, and Amber flips the fuck out, beats his ass, and kicks him back out of the apartment.  

8. Gary tries to take Little Gary with him

9. Amber says 'No, get the fuck out Gary'.  

 10. Gary gets into his new VAN.  A FUCKING VAN.  and leaves without Little Gary.  Who the fuck drives anywhere in a VAN if there is no kid in it? Driving in a VAN by yourself, now that's whack. 

But every week i come back for more Gary.  There's just something about him: he doesn't give up, he tries hard, he brings flowers, he seems reliable, and he created  'Little Gary'.  AND… HE DRIVES A FUCKING VAN.  ANNNDDDD, he sometimes feeds little Gary out of a 64oz big gulp cup (see photo).  Epic Shit!!!!  

 
But i admit, that i almost gave up on Gary when i saw the scene where he is parked in his VAN with a girl he met at Wal Mart, with whom he has shown some interest in.  The girl (who seems sweet, but who has the  whackest bangs ive ever seen) has interest in him too.  And when the scene first starts all i want is for Gary to finally put his VAN to good use, and hump her out in the back of it.

     However, Gary once again does the regal, gentlemanly, ignorant, hapless, nice thing, and tells WalMart Bangs he is going to try to work things out with his abusive tanned fiancee Amber. ARGHHHHH it makes me angry.  It's times like when i want to stop cheering for Gary; until he starts cheering for himself.  If it were only that easy, but its not; because im not just a Gary fan, i'm a Gary addict.