Ted: And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother.
There is a little pause.
Boy: Can we go now?
Ted: Come on, kids! Show a little respect.
Boy: It’s just that every Fall we sit in this exact spot listening to your stories for literally the entire season!
Girl: Yeah, and we’ve been doing it for the past 5 Falls, dad!
Boy: You have it set up as if we’re in some kind of TV show, dad!
Ted: Now kids, remember I sai— wait a second, what did you guys just call me?
Boy and Girl: Dad?
Ted: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m not your guys’ dad.
Boy: What are you talking about?
Ted: I’m just an architect slash college professor who is really good friends with your mom.
Girl: You mean we’ve been sitting here for a quarter of a year, every year, just listening to a stupid teacher tell us an oddly extremely detailed story of almost every bit of his past and how he met our mom? And he’s not even our father??
Ted: I’m a professor architect. PROFESSOR ARCHIECT. And what gave you the impression that I’m your father??
Girl: Well, for one, you always refer to us as “kids.”
Ted: That’s because you ARE kids!
Boy: And you eat dinner at our house every night then tuck us in when it’s bed time.
Ted: Okay now that I think about it, I’ll admit that’s kind of weird.
Girl: Well, if you’re not our father, then who is?
Ted: Sorry, kids. That’s a personal question you will have to ask your mom about. Well, I gotta go now. I’ll see you guys for dinner tonight!
Boy: You are so creepy.
Mom: What’s all the commotion about in here?
Girl: Mom, can you tell us who our father is?
Mom: Ah, I knew this day would come…I don’t know if right now is a good time.
Boy: So later?
Mom: Yeah, maybe like next Fall or something.
Boy and Girl: What??
Mom: It’ll be great! We’ll meet up in this exact spot every Fall and I’ll tell you the story of your father, how I met him, and where he is today!
Boy: I'd rather not know.