As leaked by Julian Assange

I got hooked on phonics when I was 11. Everyday it's a struggle to see a word and not try to sound that sh*t out.
-Conor McKeon
I'm not so much "World's Best Boss" as I am "Guy Who Beat Someone Up And Stole Their Mug."
-Brian Murphy (@CHMurph)
Did You Know?
The preferred term to describe a Glee fanatic is not "Glaggot."
-Dan Gurewitch (@DanGurewitch)
My uncle always talks trash when we play one-on-one. Like, "Biodegradable plastics are rapidly emerging." Or, "Shoot a three you pussy."
-Wiseguy Pictures (@WiseguyPictures)
If I've learned anything from masturbation, it's how to type with my left hand.
-Dan Kurkowski
Last week I joined a satanic cult. You know, for the hell of it.
-Stephen Kropa
I never knew how to create suspense. But now… I do.
-Phil Morello
If someone ever offers you a Cocker Spaniel, you should take the Spaniel.
-Kent Doss
People are always judging me, and I wouldn't mind so much if the verdict wasn't always a restraining order.
-Dan Hamilton