CH: "…and why do you think you're the best person for the job?"
Me: "Well, to be honest, I'm not. But I think that's where my real strength lies. I'm the classic underdog that you're going to want to win because everyone loves that."
CH: "Love your response. Really. Well, I think that about wraps things up. We're very impressed with your resumé, and your overall enthusiasm for the CollegeHumor brand. We're just gonna need to check out some of your references, and we'll give you a call back in 2-3 days to let you know if you've been accepted for the job. Sound good?"
Me: "Yea! Definitely! Thank you so much for the opportunity."
CH: "Mmmk. Ha, well, you take care of yourself you little cunt."
Me: "Haha ok than—-wait, what?"


(3 Days Later)

CH: "…and we LOVED the "Mario on Oprah" sketch, but we don't really "get" your whole fixation with R.L. Stine novels. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a veritable goldmine of comedic material, but we're just not sure there is wide enough appeal anymore for our viewers, or us, to really get behind that. Josh, it's your references that killed you here. You have a picture perfect resumé, trancscript, and sexual history, but your references are just terrible. You run the gamut from too obvious to too obscure, to too offensive, all the way to too funny. How can a comedic reference be too funny? We don't know, but you did it. References are our lifeblood here at, and without a strong basis in postmodern comedic referencing, we just don't think your going to "fit" liiiiiike a glooooove, here at the Main Offices. We do however want to point out that there are several other subsidiary branches of our Main Office in Bulgaria, India, and the Moon. Well, we're still working on the Moon, but give us a few….anyway, what I'm trying to say is that we don't think you're right for the position. Servicing our floors, toilets and windows requires much more than a thorough understanding of the chemical properties of cleaning agents. I mean, this was covered on the job requisites list: experience with mops, handy wipes, "has been"/"never was" demeanor, and an encyclopedic knowledge of comedic referencing."
Me: "So I didn't get the job? Struggle, dude."
CH: "See?! That's exactly what we're talking about. Yes, that's something that people might have said in the 90's, but nobody really did. Had it been a popular catch phrase of some 90's sitcom character from some show that everyone watched but nobody remembers, it would have been AWESOME! But it wasn't, and it wasn't. Look. Take it from me, kid. Nobody cares about who you were, or what you did, or OH MY GOD I DONT KNOW HOW TO FINISH THIS ARTICLE (OH MY GOD IM BLURRING THE LINE BETWEEN THE READER AND THE WRITER WHAT ARE THE METAPHYSICAL IMPLICATIONS OF THIS