It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 6 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
My friend Anythony posted last week about making me a suit of change that took 4 days to remove. What he doesn't know is that I used that money to buy the dog that had the fleas that ended up all over his bed. And floor. And house. And his dog. The rest of the money went towards stapling him to his sheets, but that's for another day.
I currently live with this dude named Zach. He is an absolute bum and doesnt do a thing but play softball all day and night. For some reason he thinks it's ok to let his softball girlfriend (who's voice, demeaner, and balls are manlier than his, oh & she's probably a lesbian too) live at our apartment rent free for 6 months. I've confronted him many times about kicking her out or making her pay bills. Well roomie, your girlfriends bike tires have now been slashed and break lines cut (have fun riding that b****). Oh, and her nasty computer virus that deleted all of her precious lesbian softball memories and pictures, music, school work etc. is from me looking at and downloading porn on her computer. Have fun paying to fix a bike and computer. Consider your rent debt paid off.
Ryan H from University of Houston
I had a roommate who would always bum a chew on top of the normal douchebuggery. He never had his own. I was in the process of quitting, so I had an old (dry) tin around the house still. One day, I knew he would be asking for a chew, so I dumped a tube of Anbesol (used to numb canker sores) in my tin. The best part is that this gel does not have much of a scent. He took the chew and after about 30 seconds started drooling and screamed "I can't feel my face!" We all busted out laughing and he never asked to borrow another chew.
The Fonz from UST
So it's freshman year in the dorms where you share a room. Me and my girlfriend are in my bed pretending to sleep while my roommate has drunken sex with this girl. When they finish they start having that awkward after sex talk that other people shouldn't hear. She asks him if he masterbates and he goes, "All the time". She then asks where. He goes, "Everywhere. Here. There. Over there. On Logan's bed. Everywhere." Thanks for masterbating on my bed, Brian.
Logan D. from Michigan
My roomate is a ridiculous slob who is failing more than half his classes and smokes a lot of weed (like 15 bowls a day). Also, it's important to know that he always pees with the seat down and has horrible aim. Recently, on one of his drunken rampages he decided to clean his whole bong with my toothbrush. Well, I used his to clean that piss covered toilet seat. Merry Christmas Drew.
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