Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
105%: Issue One Hundred and Forty Four
January 5, 2011
Your New Year's resolution
I'm so glad 2011 is here, my birthday's this year!
Just visited the Empire State Building or as I like to call it, "America's Boner."
My friends and I were Goths in grade school. During recess we'd sit by ourselves and plot a defense against the invading Hunnic Empire.
Buzz Lightyear settles down
"To infinity (bed, bath) and beyond!"
I always feel like I’m about to get murdered or die in a horrible accident whenever “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” comes on the radio. “Wooly Bully,” too. I can’t understand anything the guy’s saying, so I have to assume it’s about dying.
I know a lot of people hate paying
services fees, but I don’t. It’s a lot less expensive than paying everyone in the room to pretend you’re not a cheapskate.
My dog urinated on my cocaine stash, I had to rub her nose in it.
When my grandpa died, I came into some money. I use sexual fetishes to cope with loss.
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