Before beginning, I preface with this: I used to hate, despise, and loathe Nickelback.

If for some reason you do not know what Nickelback is and have been living under a rock, I shall enlighten you. Nickelback is a crappy sounding rock band. I do not know any of their names, I do not own any of their CDS, and I do not even know most of the words to their songs. However, there is one thing I do know: Nickelback strait up sucks. They suck so bad, that they suck good. They are so incredible at sucking, and I have become obsessed-OBSESSED with their ability to suck so hard. This obsession with them sucking has created a fan out of me. Yes. I said it…I.am.a.fan. I probably am not the most common type of fan but I am a fan, and I'm obviously not the only one. There are people out there that actually like Nickelback because they just like them. So I took the liberty of compiling this list which describes the types of Nickelback fans out there. After very time consuming research I came to the conclusion that there were five types:

The first being middle aged women. They usually have bleached blonde hair and are wearing tightly fitted and flared blue jeans. Most likely they carry a fake colorful Coach purse
and wear some gaudy jewelry. They think they are aware of "today's music" and therefore buy Nickelback CDs. Most likely they don't even like Nickelback's sound…but they think if they buy their CD then they will be accepted by the younger generation. Their only goal in life is to appear young.

The second type of fan is Any man/woman/boy/girl who has no taste in music whatsoever.

The third type is pretty much any 12 year old boy.

Fourthly, Deaf People.

And lastly, are the fans who are like me. These fans are rare only because they successfully uncovered the gems and jewels which are hidden in Nickelback's music and persona. These people appreciate Nickelback's awful metaphors and pathetic similes, and sometimes are tempted to use them in their next college essay. Most of these fans also feel sorry for the lead singer because he is constantly begging some trailer trash slut to take him back. These fans love the faces he makes
when he sings, and mostly the lyrics being screamed from his strep throat sounding voice. And finally, these fans live to hear Nickelback's inspiring poetry such as this:

"I've been down
Into the bottom of every bottle"

"Throw a stone into the water
The ripple is broke"

"Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed"

"Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore"

" Prison gates won’t open up for me
On these hands and knees I’m crawlin’"

"These iron bars can’t hold my soul in"


Who can deny the greatness of these lyrics? Who can deny the awesomely badness of their sound? Who can deny that after reading this, they have become Nickelback fans as well? Nickelback was the first of their kind, and they deserve all the credit for their sucky sound. No one like Daughtry and Hinder should be trying to steal their thunder. How dare they?

In conclusion, I ask you this: Do you have love for Nickelback? You should, and at the very least you should love them for their ignorance, because they have no clue they suck. Nickelback thinks Nickelback is actually talented. Go them.