THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

By Michael Lake

 

jim

Thanks for coming over to help me, Eric.

 

Eric nods.

jim

Seriously, I really appreciate it, and I didn’t know who else to ask…when it comes to this sort of stuff, you’re the best.

 

eric

That’s what she said!

 

jim

(Sighing) Here we go… Alright, Eric, I need you to stay with me, I really need to get my computer fixed, will you help me.

Okay, I’m going down there…

 

eric

That’s what she said!

 

jim

Just put your finger on that thing…

 

eric

That’s what she said!

 

jim

It seems to be turned on…

 

eric

That’s what she said!

 

jim

COME ON!

 

eric

Oh, that’s what she said!

 

jim

Eric, enough is enough! Stop!

 

eric

That’s what she didn’t say!

 

jim

Look, man, these jokes have gone too far. Too goddamn far. Look, I don’t know if I should be telling you this, because I’m not sure if it’s really any of my business but…well…

 

eric

Spit it out that’s what she said!

 

jim

The other day I was at your place, waiting to pick you up, but you weren’t in yet and your wife, Melanie, was there and she was upset, she was crying, complaining about how you’re never there for her anymore, how you can never take anything seriously anymore, how she can’t say anything- ANYTHING – in front of you because you’ve devoted your entire life to THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID jokes!

Now, you’ve ruined her life, you’ve wasted all her time, she’s falling into a downward depressed spiral, and she told me that if things don’t turn around soon, she is going to divorce you.

 

eric

That’s what she said ?

 

Eric breaks down and starts crying.

 

jim

Eric, don’t you see, you have the power to change things! To set them right again! Buy her some nice flowers, make her dinner, just have a conversation with her…she’s your wife! Things might suck right now, but if you work hard it will all blow over!

 

eric

That’s what she said!

 

END