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I'm not sure what was worse: one of my female friends saying that I was like her "non-gay gay friend" or the girl I liked agreeing with her.

-B H

My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go out one afternoon and were in the middle of cleaning our teeth. I finished using the mouth wash and was checking my email when she stepped out of the bathroom and said "This mouthwash bottle says it has 47 uses. Besides cleaning your mouth what other uses does it have?"


My now ex-fiance used to get upset with me when I would tell him he didn't respect me enough and when I would get nervous that he would leave me. He said the ring should be proof enough how he felt. He left me last month, took back the ring, and said to me that I was right about him not respecting me enough.


I was recently in the hospital for kidney stones. While I was being scanned so the doctors could pinpoint what was wrong, my now ex-girlfriend went through my phone and looked at my text messages. She saw I had been talking to a female friend and immediately decided I was cheating. After being discharged, on the way home, she kicked me out of the car in 12 degree weather with my prescription slip, hospital paperwork, and little else at 1:30AM.


So this girl I've been seeing for a while decides we should try something new and grabs a huge cucumber out of the fridge. Now I'm an average or slightly above size guy down there so I'm usually confident… Well that is until I say "I don't think that thing will even fit into your pussy it's like 10 inches" and she's says "Don't worry I've taken cocks that size before."


Me and the guy I'm sleeping with were having hot, passionate sex. I almost reached my high, when he suddenly stopped. He said "I have to take a crap" and stumbled over to the bathroom. I heard him fart and heard everything plummet into the toilet. And when he came back, all he said was, "Wanna try a different position?"


I finally got the balls to ask someone from work out. They said "Yes" and that we would talk about it the next day. They never spoke to me again.


My little brother thought he was being a good little detective when he asked me how I spilt so much yogurt on my sheets, because he thought I was stealing his go-gurts…I'll tell him what that "yogurt- is when he's older…


This morning my girlfriend went to work on that bj incredibly fast. I was surprised at how fast she went down there and what a good job she was doing, but I wasn't about to ask any questions…turns out she wanted to get things done quick so she wasn't late for church. Thank you Jesus.