It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 8 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
Michael H. from Florida State University
I like to put glitter on your freshly washed towels and face towels. Why? I think it's funny to listen to you bitch about always "sparkling". Also I put it in your hair gel. Lookin' good, dude.
Gary P. from Weber State
My roommate always farts when he's sitting next to me on the couch because walking into another room is too big an inconvenience, and if he holds it in "he'll get sick". He'll even do it when I'm eating. He thinks I won't fight back because I'm a girl, but little does he know I'm a champion farter. I gave you multiple chances to be polite, pal. It's on now.
When I agreed to live with my roommate, I should have taken it as a red flag when she talked shit about all of her roommates. Turns out it's because she's a judgmental, hypocritical, pompous control freak and everyone either tolerates her or is scared of her. So, when I get gassy at night and she's out of the room, I fart in her bed. It's not much, but it's satisfying to watch her nestle into my rectal smog at night.
So in Montana where I went to school there is snow on the ground from November to the end of April. So my roommate and his girlfriends dog left 6 months of 2 dogs shit in the backyard over the winter (his girlfriend didn't live with us but the dog did because she couldn't have dogs at her place). Right before the snow cleared up we got in a fight and he moved out. So I got to spend an entire day filling two large trash cans with thawing, molding dog shit. I wasn't very happy at the end of the day so I put the trash cans in my truck and delivered them to their house, dumped out, leaning against their front door.
Kevin C. from Montana State
Roughly one year ago I had a roommate who was extremely annoying to say the least. He would sit around playing CoD-Black Ops all day whilst listening to Death Metal. I am usually pretty passive but this was crossing the line, and action had to be taken. One day while he was in a class I stole every single music album he had, along with the stereo and his X-Box. I hid them at my parent's place in my old room and when he got back he freaked out. He called the police and had them come over and they asked me a bunch of questions and I lied right to them. I had my best friend tell them that I was with him hanging out all day to ensure me an alibi. They couldn't prove anything and I got away just fine. I started to listen to Enya everyday after that and he eventually moved out. Afterwards I casually and very discreetly donated them to Goodwill. In retrospect I probably could have just kicked his ass or something, but oh well.
My roommate is my best friend of many years, but he has a few character flaws. For example, he always borrows my clothes without asking (including socks and underwear), he'll take my debit card and order food without asking usually never ordering anything for me and he refuses to replace his broken cellphone, instead talking on my phone more than I do. Well the other night, I brought home a girl from a party, and it was getting kinda hot and heavy. I was just wearing basketball shorts, she was completely naked and dry humping me, getting her girl-juices all over my shorts. Suffice it to say that she was a squirter. We finish up, I put the shorts in the dirty laundry, and we crash out. The next day, I'm about to do laundry, and I look for the shorts to wash them, but can't find them. I see him later, and he's definitely wearing the shorts Ms. Freak was grinding her lady parts on the night before. Sorry, Brochocinco, but you should really ask before you use my stuff.
Jay B. from University of Kansas
It was Monday morning and I didn't sleep at all because my roommate decided to get wasted, and keep me up all night. He came to my aid station hung over. He had told his NCO he was sick and needed to see the medics. He asked me if I could give him an IV and let him rest for a while. I was going to tell him to go back to to work but decided to get back at him. I told him it was fine, that he was due for an STD test anyways so we could knock that out as well. I grabbed a 10mL syringe some saline and 5cc of Icy hot and mixed it up nice and thick. I told him to pull his pants down bend over and spreed his cheeks. When he asked why, I told him its a new form of STD testing the Military is using. I pointed the syringe and exacted my revenge. I told him to let it sit and that I would be back. A few min later I found him on the ground crying in tears and holding his butt. He thought he had an STD. I was also in tears, but I was laughing. My NCO had a good laugh as well but still he smoked me.
Alfred M. from Fort Sam Huston
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