Captain:  All right, everyone, gather 'round.  Time to pay your taxes. 

Villagers:  Booo! 

Blacksmith:  Fear not, fellow villagers!  Robin Hood will return our money! 

Captain:  Robin Hood?  He's the reason for all these taxes!  

Miller:  You jest, sir! 

Captain:  Look, do you know why the taxes keep going up?  Because we keep getting robbed before we get to London and Prince John has to charge us interest! 

Villagers:  Down with Prince John! 

Captain:  Really?  Because last time I checked, Prince John isn't the one bankrupting England with his Crusades.  Take it up with King Richard.  Oh wait!  He's never here!    He's busy over in Jerusalem spending all of your money! 

Villagers:  Long live the Lionheart! 

Captain:  Do you know where your local taxes go?  To increasing the police force!  Do you know why we have to keep increasing the police force?  Because Robin Hood keeps picking off government officials willy-nilly with his bow and arrows! 

Villagers:  Robin will save us! 

Captain:  Seriously?  You're sticking with the fiscal plan of the man who lives in the forest?  

Villagers:  Down with the tyrant sheriff! 

Captain:  By next week, that'll be me!  Yesterday, I was just the guy who dug all the graves behind the castle.  I got this job after Hood slaughtered all of my superior officers at the platoon picnic!  He spared only the women and children who now have no source of income, no gravedigger, and even higher taxes!  What kind of man does that?  Now, listen.  Taxes are a perfectly natural part of life.  If Hood would just stop and think—

em>Captain is shot by an arrow

Villagers:  Huzzah! 

Lieutenant:  Score!  Now, who wants to pay some taxes?  State funerals aren't free, people!