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I changed the names of girls I talk to (other than my girlfriend) on my cell phone to people like "Mom, Dad, etc…" so my girlfriend, now ex, didn't know I was actually talking to other girls. She had NO idea she just thought I was close to my family… women
The first time i bought illegal drugs was for my girlfriend's Valentines day gift. It was weed in a heart shaped tin of chocolate.
I was at A&F with my girlfriend, now wife, a few years ago and she saw a T-Shirt that said FLATTERY WILL GET YOU EVERYTHING. The v-neck came down and split up flattery into FLAT TERY. She looked confused and when I asked what's wrong, she proceeded to ask me who the hell is Flat Tery? She's amazing sometimes.
I was dating a girl who mentioned how she was never able to deep throat. I was fine with that until she went to give me head for the first time she said she could deep throat me.
So I was hooking up with this girl whom I used to work with. So after one late night session she is about to leave and I make the comment, "Hey so remember this can't turn into anything too serious" which I think she got the point because she turned toward me and replied, "I know. You think I'm here because I like you?" Ouch.
My girlfriend's bed in her dorm room shares a wall with a common lounge. One day, I stopped by between classes to see her and we ended up having particularly loud sex. When I left, I noticed the group of guys studying in the lounge that I had missed on my way in. They all stood up and applauded as I walked out, except for one of them her ex-boyfriend.
Once when I was having sex with my girlfriend in her dorm room, her roommate suddenly walked in. Luckily for us, we were at least concealed under the covers. Unfortunately, my girlfriend thought her roommate had left right after coming in and proceeded to ask, "Is it still hard?" My girlfriend's roommate burst out laughing and ran out of the room.
Each month when my girlfriend gets her monthly period, she likes to text me "The results are in, you are NOT the father!"