A cop caught my boyfriend and I making out in a construction site once. Before he went back to his car to run our licenses, he asked my boyfriend if he had and weapons in the car.
Boyfriend: No sir, but I do have a chainsaw in my trunk.
Officer: Interesting that you'd consider that a weapon, but OK. Don't get out your chainsaw while I'm running your license.
Boyfriend: Yes sir.
The cop let us off with a warning and told us to be careful with that chainsaw.
My roommate got tickets for going "20 in a 10 mph zone" and "crossing the yellow line" on the driveway of our apartment building. They were thrown out in court because the driveway is not a road and does not have a speed limit, and also does not have a yellow line to cross.
When I was seven years old, a gas station near where I lived got an ice-cream machine. After buying ice cream several times, I was able to figure out how to operate the machine. I was sick of paying for ice cream. I hatched a devious plan. I got a bucket from our garage and went to the store. I had to distract the cashier so I asked her if they had any potatoes. I knew they kept them in a storage room out back. She went out to grab a sack and, while she did, I rushed behind the counter to fill my bucket with ice cream. I placed it on the floor and turned the machine on. It was too slow. She came back when it was only half filled. What I hadn't taken into account was that an 8-gallon bucket would hold 8-gallons of ice cream, which is quite heavy for a seven-year-old. I tried to grab it, but when I did I felt an immense pain in my wrist. The cashier called the police while I sat there crying. When the cop arrived, he scolded her, bought me an ice cream and took me to the hospital to get my dislodged wrist looked at.
A few years back, a friend and I were painting graffiti on a utility building that faces a major highway. We thought it was a good spot, but didn't realize there was a little access road that ran beside it. We had just finished when we saw a squad car pulling up to us in a hurry. We chucked our cans and ran. First we hid behind a bush, but realized it was trimmed so that our legs were fully visible. So we took off running again. I tripped over a manhole cover and ate it hard. My friend turned around, said "sucks for you" and went on without me. I ended up jumping a fence to a PVC belting plant and hiding between rolls of PVC belts. I stayed in the fetal position until I was sure the cops were gone. I was there for 45 minutes. I had to pee eventually, so I positioned myself on my side and let it go. I didn't realize the ground was slanted. All the pee came back and soaked my pants. After an hour I walked home. I got out of the situation with just a piss-soaked pant leg. My friend ended up hiding beneath the highway overpass long enough for the cops to find his car and write down his plate number. Sucks for him.
I was driving my girlfriend home one night. We passed a cop hiding beside a building looking for speeders. As we drove by she waved at him. Half a block later the cop was behind me with his lights flashing. I pulled over. He came up to my window and casually asked if everything was OK. I said yes. He leaned down low so he could see my girlfriend, and very seriously while looking in her eyes said, “Miss, are you sure everything is OK?" Once she assured him she was fine, he explained that he saw her wave and thought she was signaling that she was being kidnapped.
Freshman year, I smoked a lot with my friends. We'd do it at the frisbee golf/nature trail on campus. Anyway, after a great blunt, we all sat at the pavilion and lit up a joint too. As we sat, a group of three people showed up with a dog. We thought they were cops. I was about to eat the joint when we realized that what they had on a leash was actually a goat. Technically, a ram I guess, since it had horns. Anyway they weren't cops, we were just really high. They were actually pretty cool guys that happened to have bought a ram on Craigslist for $50 and loved frisbee golf.