MANAGER: Whoa, Gaga, is that you?! It’s hard to recognize you when you aren’t all dressed up.
GAGA: Actually, I wanted to talk to you about tha–
MANAGER: Anyway, Gaga–
GAGA: Can you please call me Stefani?
MANAGER: Oh HO HO HO! Yeah right, whatever you say Gaga.
MANAGER: Anyway, I just thought I’d start this off by saying the little monsters LOVED your last video.
GAGA: You mean that tripe about me giving birth to an alien?? They liked that?! Even I don’t understand what the hell was going on there.
MANAGER: It’s okay, neither did they. But that’s the beauty of it – your video is misunderstood, just like your monsters! Its weirdness is relatable to your fanbase!
GAGA: I guess
MANAGER: Okay, so we were thinking two words for your new video.
DIRECTOR: “NEXT. LEVEL.”
GAGA: Next level?!
DIRECTOR: Hear us out. [Closes eyes] You’re in a vault.
MANAGER: Trapped in a vault!
DIRECTOR: And only a hoard of gay guys can decipher the code to unlock it!
GAGA: Gays again?!
MANAGER: They’re the ones paying your bills, sweetheart.
GAGA: [Sighs] Alright fine. But what happens once they decipher the code?
DIRECTOR: SKELETONS AND ZOMBIES!
MANAGER: AND LAND SHARKS!
MANAGER: Attention grabbing stuff!
GAGA: But guys, this single is generic pop! This random concept doesn’t fit with the song at all. Can’t I just be dancing with a couple of back up dancers? Like what Beyonce does!
MANAGER: But let’s be realistic here You aren’t as pretty or as good a dancer as Beyonce to pull off the simplicity of her videos.
DIRECTOR: Oh! And we’ll also need to throw an orgy scene somewhere in the plot.
MANAGER: Oh right! Yeah!
DIRECTOR: We have to. Those penis rumors are still running strong.
GAGA: [Groans] You guys I just DON’T wanna still be known as a freak show in ten years’ time.
MANAGER: Awww, it’s cute that you think you have that kind of staying power in this industry.
MANAGER: Nothing. Anyway, we’d love to continue this with you but you have a press conference in
DIRECTOR: Ten minutes!
MANAGER: Ten minutes?! Quick, take your pants off and go get your horns put on.
GAGA: Fuck my life.