MANAGER: Whoa, Gaga, is that you?! It’s hard to recognize you when you aren’t all dressed up.

GAGA: Actually, I wanted to talk to you about tha–

MANAGER: Anyway, Gaga–

GAGA: Can you please call me Stefani?

MANAGER: Oh HO HO HO! Yeah right, whatever you say… Gaga.

GAGA: Goddammit.

MANAGER: Anyway, I just thought I’d start this off by saying the little monsters LOVED your last video.

GAGA: You mean that tripe about me giving birth to an alien?? They liked that?! Even I don’t understand what the hell was going on there.

MANAGER: It’s okay, neither did they. But that’s the beauty of it – your video is misunderstood, just like your monsters! Its weirdness is relatable to your fanbase!

GAGA: I guess…

MANAGER: Okay, so we were thinking two words for your new video.


GAGA: Next level?!

DIRECTOR: Hear us out. [Closes eyes] You’re in a vault.

MANAGER: Trapped in a vault!

DIRECTOR: And only a hoard of gay guys can decipher the code to unlock it!

GAGA: Gays again?!

MANAGER: They’re the ones paying your bills, sweetheart.

GAGA: [Sighs] Alright fine. But what happens once they decipher the code?



GAGA: What?!

MANAGER: Attention grabbing stuff!

GAGA: But guys, this single is generic pop! This random concept doesn’t fit with the song at all. Can’t I just be dancing with a couple of back up dancers? Like what Beyonce does!

MANAGER: But let’s be realistic here… You aren’t as pretty or as good a dancer as Beyonce to pull off the simplicity of her videos.

DIRECTOR: Oh! And we’ll also need to throw an orgy scene somewhere in the plot.

MANAGER: Oh right! Yeah!

GAGA: Again?!

DIRECTOR: We have to. Those penis rumors are still running strong.

GAGA: [Groans] You guys… I just DON’T wanna still be known as a freak show in ten years’ time.

MANAGER: Awww, it’s cute that you think you have that kind of staying power in this industry.

GAGA: What?!

MANAGER: Nothing. Anyway, we’d love to continue this with you but you have a press conference in…

DIRECTOR: Ten minutes!

MANAGER: Ten minutes?! Quick, take your pants off and go get your horns put on.

GAGA: Fuck my life.