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I was in a business meeting when someone noticed the rope marks on my wrists and hicky on my neck. Without realizing what they were the co-worker asked if I was ok and how I got them pointing them out to everyone. It was fairly obvious to others. Turtle necks and long sleeves from now on.

-Ben

When I am in bed with my girlfriend she always gets mad and hits me if I fart. So I have taken to loudly asking her a question as I quietly fart under the duvet so she can't hear it.

-Mark S

My girlfriend wanted me to call the landlord of our apartment because the light-bulb in our kitchen burnt out.

-James

In high school my longest official relationship lasted 11 months…my shortest lasted 42 minutes

-Josh C

I'm a pretty open sort of lady but one thing I have never felt comfortable with or wanted to do with a guy is to have him cum on my face. A couple of years ago I was dating a guy who after finding this out, wouldn't let it go and kept on trying to convince me to let him do it – one of those 'don't think about an orange penguin' situations I think. Eventually I had got so sick and tired of hearing him go on and on about it that one night in bed after saying no for about the billionth time I sort of half jokingly pushed him. I guess I didn't know my own strength as he fell straight out of bed and onto his laptop which was laying on the floor. He went and slept on the sofa and we stopped seeing each other after that… thinking about it still makes me chuckle.

-EJ

A guy I'm currently hooking up with is convinced that ALL dicks are the same size when fully erect. As someone who's had plenty of experience in this area, I have no idea how to confront him about this.

-Jane

Once my girlfriend and I were on my bed watching one of the batman movies on my laptop. This quickly lead to an impromptu under-the-covers BJ. Unfortunately, my roommate walked in halfway through resulting in quick coverup. Apparently we hid this too well, because his next move was to exclaim "Oh sweet, Batman!" and hop into the bed with us. He followed this up with "dont worry man its not gay because there is a girl between us." We ended up finishing the entire movie. If only he knew my dick was out…. THE WHOLE TIME….

-Anonymous

Last time a guy and I were doing it, I bit his neck and a pimple burst in my mouth.

-Anonymous

This Week's "Sleephumping Defense- Award Goes To:

This guy and I had been dating for a few weeks but decided to take it slow, we didn't want to rush into anything. We decided not to have sex, but did some other fooling around. One night we were fooling around for a bit and then ended up falling asleep naked. In the middle of the night I am woken up because I realize he is laying on top of me and is inside me. I half wake up realizing what is going on and say something like, "I thought we were going to wait". He then wakes up, realizes where he is and kind of jumps off me. We both sat there kind of wierded out for a few minutes then put some clothes on and fell asleep. He felt awful and kept apologizing the next day. Now looking back on it, we both just think its hilarious.

-E