In like a lion, out like a slightly more warm lion.

Backward fitted caps, a father and a failure, goatees everywhere.
-Brian Murphy @CHMurph
Pretty sure I could beat Watson in any eating contest. In fact, that goes for any computer. Except maybe the IBM Eat-o-Tron 4000.
-Kevin Corrigan @KevinCorrigan
My mom brought home a step-ladder yesterday. It's so weird not having my real ladder around anymore
-Justin Lesser
Whenever I'm having a rough day and need some positives in my life, I do addition.
-Daniel Ritchey
New York is so expensive. I already spent 60 bucks today and all I've done is eat lunch and get mugged.
-Wiseguy Pictures @WiseguyPictures
Racist
I don't mean to sound racist, but every time I say "I don't mean to sound racist" I sound pretty racist.
-Lev Novak
If you can't stand the Heat, the Orlando Magic aren't bad.
-Michael Gladstone
When I want to relax, I play Tetris. But when I REALLY want to relax, I stop playing Tetris.
-Rich Piepho