There's something to be said about specificity. Not sure what though.
-Wiseguy Pictures @WiseguyPictures
I wonder what compelled Man to first settle in arctic climates. I bet it was the promise of their women eventually evolving into blondes.
-Rich Piepho
Lately I've been trying to live every day like it's my last, at least that's my excuse for sneaking into the hospital and stealing that woman's morphine drip.
-Kevin Corrigan @KevinCorrigan
"Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and ROFL!" – LOLzymandias
-Caldwell Tanner @Caldy
Drug-dealer-turned-schizophrenic-housekeeper upon being handed a Swiffer
"You know you have to tell me if you're a mop, right?"
-Alex Watt @AlexanderWatt
I'm really in touch with myself. Especially at night.
-Jeff Rosenberg @JeffRosie
I'd be a born again Christian, but I don't think I'd fit in my mom's uterus anymore. Also, I worship Satan.
-Andrew Bridgman @AndyBridgman
I'm a robot. Need proof? I have never once typed a CAPTCHA correctly on the first try.
-Brian Murphy @CHMurph