My girlfriend decided to try out my Bowflex machine yesterday. She was actually doing okay until she started doing some exercises for her back. A frown came over her face and without missing a beat, she looked at me and declared: "I think this is wrong, I don't feel anything in my back-abs."
I met up with a girl that I talked to online, and the first thing she said was, "This is not a date!"
I thought it was pretty shameful when Facebook surpassed Gmail in my Chrome top 8 most visited sites, but now OkCupid is ahead of both of them. Goddammit.
Last night, my boyfriend and I started having sex while watching Mortal Kombat. I came after Shang Tsung said "Finish him!" Flawless victory.
My boyfriend will eat me out (I fall asleep after I orgasm) just so he can play Call of Duty without my pestering him to turn off the play station. I say it's a win-win.
When me and my girlfriend are with other people and she wants to tell me something she doesn't want them to know, she talks to me in German. The only problem is I don't speak a word of German. When I remind her, she just keeps on speaking, but slower.
My boyfriend is really good at ping pong, and I had never played. So he decided that I had to play a game with him, but at least I talked him into using a wooden spoon instead of a paddle so I could at least have some advantage. It didn't help. He shut me out, didn't even let me get a single point.
My girlfriend gets mad when I don't let her pop my zits.