It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 8 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
My roommate's girlfriend used to come visit him every weekend and she would always sleep over in our room. My roommate had asked me if this was okay and I said it was as long as they didn't have sex while I was in the room. Of course they broke this when they thought I was sleeping. After about the fifth week of falling asleep every Friday and Saturday night to them having sex I decided to get even. I rigged a pregnancy test to say positive and left it on top of his full trash can one Sunday as she was leaving. He called her as she drove home and before she could get a word in, said he would raise the baby with her if she wanted him too. She had no idea what he was talking about and assuming he was cheating on her, broke up with him.
I live in a house with three other dudes, one of whom is an asshole. One night on the walk home from the bars with some friends I noticed said asshole had left his car window rolled down four or five inches. One of my lankier friends was able to stick his arm in the car and unlock the door. At first we were just gonna lift a huge rock into the backseat, litter the inside with dirt, and take random things to fuck with him (nab the Jesus cross but leave the iPod). But, we decided to put the car in neutral and push it further down the block to freak him out when he saw it wasn't where he'd left it. Unfortunately for my roommate, the first open space we found was in front of a fire-hydrant. We figured he would be up to move the car in the morning and so the car-in-front-of-the-hydrant would just add to the grandeur of the prank. But, the car ended up getting impounded, and he ended up having to pay a huge fine. To this day he helplessly doubts that he made suck a stupid mistake, and we make fun of him for it.
Hey buddy, remember all those times you would crash at my place and eat all of my food and not even seem a little grateful. Also, remember how you broke my laptop but refused to fix it? Well, also remember how somebody took a shit in your kitchen? Oh yeah, that was me, I broke into your apartment and squatted over your counter and dropped a log on your kitchen floor, I remember it stinking for days after it was cleaned.
Greg B. from Florida Gulf Coast University
My freshman year, I was given a roommate who I would describe as sheltered. Sheltered as in he grew up in a suburb, upper middle class, and so on. Anyway, he was extremely paranoid about somebody taking his things and would frequently lock me out as a result. I thought it would be fun to play on this fear and pull a prank on him while we were both away for a weekend. I left my door unlocked and my key with someone on my floor and several of our friends plastic wrapped EVERYTHING that was his. His clothes, his shoes, his pillows (with opened condoms between layers of plastic wrap for good measure, he was kind of a prude), everything, even the pens and pencils in his desk drawer. They locked the door after they finished so he wouldn't think anything out of the ordinary when he got back. He returned before me on that Sunday and while I wasn't there to witness what happened, I've been told he chased the perpetrators around the hall, threw things at them, and was not very happy with having to unwrap everything. And as an added bonus, they put condoms randomly throughout his things, so he was finding them for a while afterwards (like I said, he was kind of a prude). When it came time to update our roommate agreements, he made an addition saying neither one of us were allowed to let others to into the room to assist with a prank.
Andrew R. from Concordia College
So, My dear Hayley. You've been a bitch since day one. You've convinced the majority of my potential friends that I'm a temperamental freak who loves nothing more than animated porn and getting high off her own ego. You think you're something because you have the ability to manipulate the poor saps that think you have talent. For the last two years, you've made my life hell like it wasn't anything special. So this afternoon, when I found out the flashdrive I'd found on the ground was actually YOURS, and named "Crucial," I was pretty darn ectatic. I've deleted all your stories, and all the files you need to print off or complete for the end of the semester. Hope you have backups, dear.
What kind of person goes through a roll of toilet paper a week when they're not sick? You. What kind of person habitually wakes her roommate up at 7 in the morning when she doesn't need to be in class until 1? You. What kind of person attempts to get her roommate expelled because she's too lazy to move out? You. What kind of person throws a fit if there's a single hair on the floor or dish in the sink, but never once lifts a finger to help her roommate clean for room check? You. What kind of person picks her nose and wipes it all over the bottom of her roommate's rug? Me.
So ya know how all 3 of you were always whispering about me while you thought I was sleeping, how you tried to sabotage me for the position I was running for in student activities, how you judged me for being poor, and how the passive aggressiveness in our dorm was out of control because none of you bitches can act like adults? Yeah. I had to do my own revenge on this. Since I work making costumes for the school, I know exactly which seams to cut in order for your clothes to look normal while the holes just continuously grow and your clothes go to shit. So, this summer when you all need to buy some new clothes because some items mysteriously start to have holes, just go ask your daddies for some more money and continue to worry if you're getting fat.
When my brother and I were still in high school and still living together, he would bring girls home almost every weekend. They would be loud and obscene in the room directly next to mine with little sound insulation between us. After being woken up at 3:00 one Saturday morning to a particularly moany girl, I decided enough was enough. I poured insect repellent with a high percentage of deet (which he is allergic to) into his favorite lubrication and sat back as weeks on end girls screamed and stormed out after seeing his rashy privates. To the girls, he didn't have a bad case of genital herpes, he had a pissed of little brother
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