My girlfriend of about 2 years and I were having sex, and after reaching climax, she grabs me by the shoulders saying: "Wow! I thought I was being raptured there for a second!"
I was trying to seem cool to my boyfriend who just loves videogames, and I haven't touched a video game since sega was popular. He asked me what my favorite game was, I replied "Gears of Warcraft."
My girlfriend was packing to go home for the weekend. In the middle of telling her about something funny I saw on Collegehumor, I look over to see she is wrapping her toothbrush in a pair of panties. But it's apparently okay "cause they're clean."
My boyfriend and I were 69ing and having a good time. We finally finish up and lay next to each other cuddling. My boyfriend looks at me and tells me, "Baby, I think I felt a lump in there
like a big one, really deep
" After a moment of terror, I realized that he was talking about my cervix. Maybe THAT'S why I didn't orgasm.
Reading these only reminds me of how lonely I am.
So, one night my girlfriend and I smoked some weed in her room, got pretty high and horny and she wanted me to go down on her, which I did. The joint we smoked was from Amsterdam and for those of you who don't know, the effects can sometimes match LSD trips. While I was eating her out the image of the "face hugger" from Aliens came to me. It's been 4 months now, I can't lick the carpet without that image coming back. Don't do drugs kids
I am recently single and I keep telling myself I'm saving a whole bunch of money from not having a girlfriend anymore. No travel costs, no buying her meals and gifts and stuff. Well my card invoice just turned up. Instead of all my money going on my GF it's apparently going on youpornmate.
It's cheaper to get real sex people. By a very long way.
My girlfriend and I have some really strange sexual code words. Waka waka, means sex, nom nom, means blow job, big bird is penis, and cookie monster is vagina. We use these in all of our daily conversations with each other.
After my girlfriend gives me a bj she just lies there penis-in-hand and pretends it's her car's gear stick. She usually fools around trying to "change gears" with it and makes me play along by going "vruuuum, vruuuuuuuum". If I don't feel like it she gets upset and uses the line "I just played with you, you will now play with me!"
such a dear
i went down on my boyfriend one night after drinking. the next morning he goes to the bathroom and comes back and asks me "were you chewing gum last night?". "yeah" "do you know where it went?" "uhhh no." he woke up with gum stuck to his balls
My girlfriend likes to poke my belly button because she knows I hate it. It makes me feel sick and really uncomfortable. Now when we're having sex she'll poke my belly button and yell out "Conflicting!" because of the two opposing feelings. I should have never of told her I hate being poked in the belly button
The other month, my girlfriend and I were in bed, and she decided that she needed the toilet or something, so she pretended to use an imaginary winch and pulley system to get herself up. I think it may be the best thing that I've ever seen her do.
One time while my girlfriend and I were drunk, we decided to take a shower together. Being drunk and forgetting I was in the shower with someone, I went about my usual routine of peeing while I shampoo my hair. Needless to say I did not get laid that night.