-(opening door) This is the one-bedroom apartment I was telling you about earlier.

-Whoa, this is a lot bigger than I expected.

-It has all the basic amenities and comes with a free parking spot. The person living here won't be back for a while, so feel free to look around.

-Is the disposal broken or something? The sink looks like it could overflow at any moment. It's as if they haven't washed their dishes in months.

-Not that I'm aware of. He has the television set up here, but if you wanted to you could—

-Oh my god, what's that smell?

-It's probably just the trash, I can take it out if you'd like.

-No, it's coming from inside the refrigerator. (opens refrigerator) Jesus, those can't be… are those sweet potatoes? And what are those purple vines sprouting out of them?

-I'm not sure. As you can see the bathroom has a lot of room for toiletries, and the shower head is adjustable—

-Sorry, you said a guy lives here, right?

-Yes.

-Then why does he have three bottles of Nair but no toothbrush and an empty, crumpled up container of toothpaste?

-He probably keeps it in a drawer.

-Is there not much closet space in the bedroom?

-No, there's plenty.

-He must have a ton of clothes then, that would explain why his hamper full of clean laundry is dumped onto the ground.

-No, he actually doesn't even use the closet or any of the drawers. Last time he told me he was too busy to put it away and then proceeded to spend ten minutes organizing the widgets on his laptop.

-At least his bed is made.

-Well, it might appear that way, but he actually just throws a comforter over the mattress. I told him he should use sheets but he complained that they only stay tucked in when his Mom makes the bed.

-How does anyone live like this?

-I have no idea. Please don't get the wrong impression, it really is a nice place. I'll tell you what: if you sign the lease today, I'll give you a 10% discount.

-OK, but only under the condition that I never have to meet this human being.

-Deal. Use my pen, the one you just picked up off his desk is covered in smoothie residue.