Sorry, that wasn't very specific. What I mean to say was – The Three Roads to Happiness: White Pills, Blue Pills and Red Pills.

I hope that cleared some things up for you. Man. I can't believe I messed that up. But, I am on pills. So maybe that explains some stuff.

The thing is, life is awesome on pills. People talk slower, your extremities feel further away, and naps just last a whole lot longer. Also, you can't be bothered with things like school, talking, or, you know, keeping your eyes open.

What's that? Your hands look like they're changing colors from purple to green and then back again? That's amazing! Give me some of those! I wanna see!

The beauty part is, the kind of pills that make you nap are just one kind of pills! There are pills to make you clean for seventeen hours, pills to make you horny for everything, pills that tell you to walk on rooftops and pills that help you realize that you are Flavor Flav.

Don't take these last pills in predominantly African American neighborhoods, though, if you are a white-ass cracker boy. If you get capped when you're on pills, you'll still be dead when you come off of pills.

So, there you go. Now that you know everything there is to know about pills, go ahead and get some. It's really easy. All you need to do is secure a sawed-off shotgun and take it to your local pharmacy, probably right around closing time.

You can pay the nice pharmacist with some bullets out of the barrel of your shotgun, and then you can just hop over the counter and help yourself. Look for some bottles that sound like they may have pills in them.

Dude, no I'm not. I'm not telling you to go rob a pharmacy. What's the matter with you, man? You need to relax. Geez.

That disembodied voice in my head is really pissing me off. I wonder if there's anything I can take for that. I should go check down at the pharmacy. Besides, I'm running out of some stuff. I wonder if that same pharmacist I gave bullets to last week will be there.