Hearing two pieces of styrofoam rub together is my worst nightmare. My fear of styrofoam has risen to a point that even the sight of it makes me cringe. My girlfriend knows this and whenever I make her mad, she places these large planks of styrofoam on my bed, knowing that I will have to move them at some point. She is a bad, bad person.
One day it was very hot in my bedroom and I was only wearing my boxers. My girlfriend thought it would be funny to pull them off when I was cooking us lunch. When she did, she noticed that my balls were sagging really low. My girlfriend didn't know that the skin on your scrotum is extremely elastic. To mess with her, I told her that I had a rare connective tissue disorder that allowed me to stretch it to extreme lengths. It was funny until she started telling all of her friends about my condition
especially when they asked how she found out.
My girlfriend wants us to start wearing matching t-shirts.
Whenever my girlfriend and I go down on each other this always happens. I will go down on her and she will look at what I am doing, but when she goes down on me she always tells me to look away, and if I end up looking anyway, she slaps me and warns me that she will bite if I look again.
My boyfriend and I were hooking up a week ago and right when things started getting hot and heavy he stopped and asked if we could try something that he saw on true blood.
During my (ex) girlfriend's that time of the month we decided to give it a go using a condom. After we were finished I went into my dad's bathroom to clean up and flush the condom. We left to go to dinner and later when I returned, my dad brought it to my attention that I forgot to flush the condom. My sister found the bloody condom in the toilet and called my mom. My mom was furious, but all my dad could do was laugh!
My girlfriend just broke up with me via text because at 27 i didn't want to have children with her
We had been dating a month.
My (now ex) and I always used to fight because after a long night of drinking there was always a piss pool the next morning and we could never figure out who did it. When we broke up, it was gone. I wonder who it was
After reading the latest Dating, It's Complicated post my boyfriend tells me he searched for my initials on the post because we also engage in face licking warfare when the arguments get heated. E.J.
My girlfriend is obsessed with hello kitty which is all right if you're eleven or asian but she is neither. I make her confine it to one room. Last week the cable man was here and walked into that room. He asked how old my girl was. I replied twenty-five.
My boyfriend asked me if boobs are like testicles.
I was over at my ex-boyfriend's apartment mid-act and we could hear what sounded like his roommate and girlfriend getting into it. So my ex and I decided to pump up our volume a bit, and so did they. We ended up having a total sex off
until we found out he was just trying to turn up the sound on his movie to drown us out
My girl friend made up a story that I called her a fat cow, then forgot she made it up and is still mad at me for it
One night I was discussing sunburns with my girlfriend, specifically how too much sun can cause freckles to appear. She sunbathes a lot, and told me that her favorite thing about getting burned was being able to peel the skin off afterwards. She then proceeded to tell me that I should get a sunburn, so that she could peel off my dead skin. Yep, it's a good thing I love her.