It's not just that Starter Jackets were overpriced and ugly that makes them a trend we should hope never has a resurgence; they also made people crazy. Do you remember just how often there were news stories about people "getting jumped" for their jackets? Somewhere in America right now, there is an inmate serving out a sentence for a Starter Jacket-related crime. And that is a tragedy.
If you were a kid in the 90's, having Beanie Babies and Furbys and Tickle Me Elmos was fun. But you know who else had those things? Weird middle-aged people who lived alone with their cats and their Troll Doll collections. For some reason, it became a fact that Beanie Babies were going to become very valuable in the future and, therefore, being the creepy grown-up at the K.B. Toys was fine. Now that we know Beanie Babies are as worthless now as they were then, let's try to avoid letting children's toys get this popular again.
You used to say these phrases: "As if," "Bi-otch," "Da bomb," "All that and a bag of chips," "Bugg'n," "Boo ya," "Talk to the hand." Say them again right now. Then never say them again. Actually, "Boo ya" is still pretty fun.
It used to be that a summer could not start until a new and unnecessary soda had been introduced to the market. Whether it was Crystal Pepsi, Jolt, Bubble Yum Soda, Surge, EDGE, Josta, Kick, OK Soda, or Pepsi AM, you always reacted the same way: you drank it for 3 straight weeks, then remembered it was gross and went back to drinking regular soda. This soda marketing trend trailed into the 2000's with Coca-Cola Blak, but we can hope that the only new soda developments that will arise in the near future are other ways to say, "calorie free."
Candy is great. 90's candy was really great. Because you were a kid. It was ok to mindlessly slobber over your knuckles while eating a Ring Pop, or suck sugar out of a receptacle made of more sugar when you ate Baby Bottle Pop, or gnaw your way to a chocolate drool covered toy at the center of your Nestle Wonder Ball, or even unhook your jaw and obscenely mash your tongue and lips against the Jawbreaker you kept in a sticky Ziploc bag on your desk. It was ok then. But not anymore. Your iPhone screen has enough sticky finger prints as is.