1. I love Russian literature, French poetry and I've never kissed a girl.

2. What's my favorite band? Please, don't even ask me that. There is no way you've ever heard of them, and even if you had, your minute intellect wouldn't appreciate their highly conceptual jazz, reggae fusion art hip-hop ska stylings.

3. Nice to meet you. Now where did I set my fake pipe?

4. I'm currently working on my first three novels and two screenplays. I'll live in my parents basement until my genius is discovered.

5. Existentially speaking, who's to say these aren't real glasses?

6. The only sport I respect is kickball.

7. I hate Nickelback. I hate Nickelback. I hate Nickelback. I hate Nickelback. I hate Nickelback. I hate Nickelback.