Boss: Work is from 10:30 to noon on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Worker: Can I be hungover for Friday's work?

Boss: Yes. Everyone will generally be hungover a third of the time. That is normal for work.


Boss: Hey worker, I need some math solved.

Worker: Can't you ask someone else? I'm really more of an "English" guy.

Boss: No. Math is required for everyone here. Everyone has to do math, even if they are bad at it and it isn't their job.

Worker: Ugh. Can I just do "logic"?

Boss: I guess.


Boss: If you really want this job, you're going to have to swallow this goldfish.

Intern: What?

Boss: Do it, pledge.


Boss: Our health-plan is just a bunch of free crappy condoms. They're perfect for the guy who doesn't care about sexual pleasure and says "I'll take my chances" with ripping.

Worker: What if I get sick?

Boss: Don't. Also, it's closed on the weekends, for some reason.

Worker: It also sounds like these condoms lead to more people using your clinic.

Boss: ….It's the circle of lifeeeeeeee…


Boss: The salary is up to $40,000 a year.

Worker: Sounds good. When do we get paid?

Boss: Oh, you'll be paying us. But! After four years we give a magic paper telling people you're smart, though. It's a good deal.

Worker: That's…that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Why would anyone ever want to work here!?

Boss: Honestly? We have a lot of alcohol. Like, more than a reasonable person would ever require. Like, we have games focused exclusively for the consumption of alcohol.

Worker: That…that sounds awesome.

Boss: Yeah. And sometimes there's sex.

Worker: I'll never doubt you again, sir.