My ex-girlfriend and I were watching Fantasia 2000 once and the Sorcerer's Apprentice came on (the one with wizard Mickey). As we're watching, my girlfriend suddenly looks me straight in the eyes and asks me in a completely serious tone, "Wait, is Mickey Mouse a bear?"
I took my girlfriend along on a family vacation one summer. We stayed on a houseboat with my parents and 2 of their married friends for a whole week. Sleeping quarters were limited, and finding time to fool around with my girlfriend took a lot of careful planning and timing. One night my girlfriend got mad at me for refusing to pleasure her when she wanted. She claimed that we always did it when I wanted, but she didn't get it when she wanted. I had refused because at the foot of our bed was my younger brother's bed and at the foot of his bed was my sleeping parent's! It's not my fault she gets in the mood at the worst possible time ever! Needless to say, we ended up fooling around anyway. What? She is freakin' hot. You would too.
My girlfriend never saw the irony in making me sing and dance along to "Just Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble. She even put it on a Christmas Playlist she made for me.
My girlfriend farted when she was giving me a massage tonight
She was sitting on my back.
A few weeks ago the power went out in the area. Three days into the blackout the fridge gets completely hot and the food undoubtedly goes bad. The next day the power comes back on and my fiancee told me to let the food get cold again so that it'll refresh.
Right before my girlfriend and I 69 we each let out any lingering gas in order to prevent a potential disaster mid act.
Because my gf keeps forgetting her SSN at the pharmacy I've had it memorized for months to help her out. I still have to ask her when her birthday is.
Whenever my boyfriend gets really into a song, he'll grab my hand and sing into it like a microphone, tap along to the beat of the song on my leg, and/or squeeze my boobs to the beat
. I try not to let him listen to his music much.
My boyfriend and I regularly have our "playtime" during the interview portion of The Daily Show and continue into the Colbert Report. Sorry, Jon Stewart, but those commercial breaks can get awfully long.
My girlfriend always falls asleep with her mouth open. And everytime she falls asleep, I put my finger in her mouth to wake her up.
My boyfriend loves to test my endurance. He frequently plays dead making me pick him up and carry him to a chair. Also, while sitting on a couch, he will proceed to fall off (over a cliff) confessing his love to me before he dies. My job is to rescue him from falling off by picking up his body and carrying him to safety. He needed rescued so many times last night, I felt like Mario rescuing Princess Peach from never-ending threats of danger.
When my girlfriend first met my nephew right after he was born, she asked if babies had knee caps. She was completely serious.
My ex and I used to pretend that his penis was leaving a voicemail for my vagina. His penis is a sort of Woody Allen character that is always timidly inviting my vagina to a barbecue