The worst is when you find out the hot tub ISN'T a time machine and you're just sitting there with your "PRESIDENT LINCOLN! DUCK!" sign.
-Steve Etheridge @Stetheridge
Why is it that whenever someone tries to talk about how much they love natural foods, it's never brought up in the conversation organically?
-Andrew Caudill
Does Just For Men "Touch of Gray" work on pubes? I don't want my genitals to look too old, but I don't want them to lack experience either.
-Brian Murphy @CHMurph
$7 for popcorn?! They better be sprinkled with gold, cause I got horrible metal poisoning after eating it.
-Wiseguy Pictures @WiseguyPictures
What do you call someone who refuses to attend Ne-Yo concerts?
A Ne-Yo Not-See.
-Hannah Jones
Rastafarians don't think too highly of Mormons, they're more into the whole "one love" thing.
-Alexander Cooper
Conspiracy Theory
Do you think it's just a COINCIDENCE that EVERY conspiracy theory is ultimately INNACURATE? Or is REALITY pulling the strings!?
-Lev Novak @LevNovak