You were a horrible roommate. You were always smoking in the room and never cleaning up anything that you left on the floor. So I filled all the toilets in the apartment with green dye. That number I gave you to call about plumbers was my friend, when he told you it might have been pipe leakage you freaked out and bought us all new toilets just so you wouldn't have to worry about the landlady. Thanks for the new toilets bro!
Hey "D", we all know it was you who stole our rent money. We also know you stole microphones and other stuff from the band room before you suddenly moved out after we filed a police report. We also know that you remote-deleted our voicemail messages; but it seemed you stopped checking after a month or so, and that's when the police called and left a message to let us know the results of the polygraph that you actually,
stupidly, volunteered for confirmed what we knew all along. But that's okay, we found your stash of homemade porn. You know,