Yesterday, my boyfriend was kissing my eyebrows while saying "NOM NOM CATERPILLARS!"
My fiancee recently returns to our apartment complaining that she didn't have enough quarters for a parking meter earlier that day. She was upset this particular machine wouldn't accept nickels or dimes. She said the machine had two circles on it, one that said "25 Cents" and the other said "$1." So naturally she tried to stuff a dollar bill into the coin slot. I told her they meant dollar coins. She said "Oh, people still use those?"
My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. Somewhere in those two years she developed the habit of picking her nose clean after sex.
My boyfriend once asked me if you made Toaster Strudels in a microwave.
My girlfriend made characters for us on the Sims. We have 4 kids and both have ambitions for 10. And if that's not bad enough, she MADE me have multiple affairs and then got mad at me in real life with the reasoning that if my sim would do it that easily then so would I.
One time, me and my girlfriend decided to do the "deed". after finishing, i pull out and as soon as i'm out and move back she involuntarily queefs. Thankfully I finished early..
My girlfriend recently asked me if the US was involved in World War II
Well my bf's body type is "more of him to love". One day we were hanging around my place and he noticed the mini M&Ms tube I use to store laundry quarters. He picks it up and pours out some coins into his hand, and immediately looks distraught. Only a fat man finds a load of money and is disappointed because it's not chocolate.
My boyfriend and I were both fairly tired but decided to fool around this morning. After awhile, he seemed pretty exhausted and I asked him if he just wanted to try an go back to bed. His response was "Ehh. I guess I should do it from behind and try to finish up, but that's just so much work." He's a hard core romantic.
My (ex) girlfriend made me break up with her because she believed that i wouldn't be ready to have kids at 28 yet she would and she wouldn't want to pressure me
we were 19 at the time .
My (now ex) boyfriend was over at my house one day and right before we went to the movies, he was playing around on my computer. With my sister out for a run and my mother out to get groceries, I figured it was a good time to make a move. I took my shirt off and leaned in close to him pushing my boobs close to his face. What did he do? He pushes me away saying, "Not now! I have a whole minute left of this Saints Row 3 trailer!"
My girlfriend was on her period and didn't want to have sex, so she decided she was going to give me head. This was the third day in a row. While kissing my stomach, she told me that if her period lasted any longer, she was going to look like AC Slater because her neck muscles were going to get huge. The mood was completely ruined, especially considering she has tight brown curly hair.