Every time I wear my cherry underwear my boyfriend runs after me shouting "WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA" until I stop and let him pretend to bite my butt.
My junior year in high school, my boyfriend and I decided to cut prom costs and not go out to dinner. Instead, I invited him over to my house and fed him lasagna I had spent the entire day making. For dessert, we had a hideously expensive French pastry. He sat in silence the entire time, never complimented me on my dress, and was being generally antisocial. Finally, to break the tension, I asked him how the lasagna was. His response: "I hate lasagna." It's good he understands the important things in life.
My ex-girlfriend thought that Alaska and Hawaii were actually south of California, just like you see on most maps of the United States. She wouldn't believe me when I told her where they were actually located.
A few weeks ago I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to Flo from the progressive commercials.
I try to be a lady, so I never let my boyfriend know that I fart. He believes this and thinks that I have never in my life passed gas. His quest is to try and catch me "in the act". Whenever he hears something suspicious, a noise that sometimes I don't even notice, he comes over to me, leans over and smells my butt. The funny thing is, I constantly fart around him it's just that I am the master of silence.
My girlfriend and I recently decided that whenever one of us texts a photo of our junk to the other, the receiving person must drop whatever they're doing and return the favor. So the last time I sent her a pic a couple minutes later I get a text back and it's her mom's face with the caption "Gotcha". I still can't look her mom in the eyes.
My boyfriend and I were having sex one afternoon, he wasn't really in the mood so I had to keep bugging him to get him to finally do it. First we argued over which lube we wanted to use, then we argued over the fact that he didn't want to wear a condom. When we finally started having sex I was laughing about some stupid dream that he had about me driving our car through the house. After a little bit he got sick of the stupid condom and tried to pull it off, he grabbed the end of it and pulled. After he thought it was off he let go and it snapped his penis really, really hard. He just sat there on top of me butt naked screaming like a girl. After my fit of laughter neither of us cared to keep going.
When my girlfriend gives me head, she always makes me tell her when I'm about to go because she doesn't like the taste. The thing is I find it hot when finishing in her mouth. So one day I figured that I just wouldn't tell her and it was worth her being mad for a few seconds. Well of course when I'm about to go she starts using just her hand and asks me if I'm almost there. I say no(even though I am struggling to hold it), then when she starts going back down I finish and it is all over her face. Guess who hasn't gotten anything in the last month? This guy
When i first introduced my ex to my parents we were sitting at my kitchen table. My dad and stepmother were sitting at the table. Me and my dad are really close but my stepmother and I aren't very close. The first thing my ex says to my stepmother is that she reminds her of her aunt. Immediately followed by "but she is a crack-head." My stepmother thought i told her to say it. That was the end of my home-made dinners.
About a year into our relationship, I was helping my ex study for her history test. The test was on Europe and their old economy. Then I asked her what was the top resource to the people at the time she didn't know the answer. I told her the answer was whaling to which she replied, "they had whales back then!?"