My boyfriend refers to my period as "Shark Week."
I went down on my then girlfriend. We had done it a few times so I figured we would be fairly comfortable. So I when I was eating her out I decided it'd be funny to go "Nom, Nom, Nom." She wouldn't let me touch her for two weeks
Me and my ex-girlfriend were sat in a restaurant with a load of my friends and so we ordered a big platter to share. It comes out and my ex picks up one of the buffalo wings and goes "Wait, did all these wings come from one buffalo?
My ex-boyfriend's idea of a romantic last date before I left for college on the other side of the country was me coming over to watch him play Call of Duty.
My boyfriend and I were sitting at opposite ends of a round table in a McDonald's. As a joke, he timidly started scooting to my side of the table as if we had just started dating and he was anxious about touching me. When he finally got over to my side, I lifted my arm up to put it around him and accidentally I knocked over his Coke, spilling it all over the table. He promptly jumped up and screamed in the very crowded McDonald's, "YOU HAVE JUST RUINED THE MOST ROMANTIC MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!" Everybody, even the kids in the Play Place, stopped and stared in horror.
My girlfriend and I were going at it when we hear a subtle "Beep, Beep"
It was neither of our phones, so we started to search (still naked) for whatever it was making the noise
When she found it, she gave me a look of horror, opened the door, and threw it full pelt outside
It was her mother paging the home phone. Close call.
One afternoon, my boyfriend was very tired. One second we're laying on my bed awake, the next second only I'm awake. Now, after being a good girlfriend and letting him sleep for an hour, I became altogether too bored and decided to creatively wake him up. I proceed to blow in his ear, touch his eye lashes, tickle his sides, stick the end of my hair in his nose and ears, etc. to no avail. As a last ditch effort, I decide to lick his nipple. He woke up instantly.
While hanging out with my gf at my apartment, she likes to check her emails on my computer. One day she comments that I read a lot of webcomics because I have a big list of about 50 webcomics as my favorites. To this day she has yet to scroll down the list and find my porn links.
My girlfriend turns 20 in August and she loves everything Disney. Therefore, I've been scouring the Disney Store website looking for a gift for her. I feel like a pedophile.