A bird in the hand is worth freaking out over.

That's the way the cookie crumbles. Especially if it's a lame-ass gluten free cookie.

Listen to your Heart. And then listen to The Indigo Girls. Compare and Contrast.

You're only as old as you feel. And my, your skin feels papery.

If at first you don't succeed, for the love of God don't re-tweet.

Denial means never having to say you're sorry.

When one door closes, you might be locked out.

When God closes a door, he doesn't want you to come in.

An apple a day drowns under your Big Gulp.

Go to bed angry. You stopped making sense hours ago.

Everybody is a winner. There are no losers. But you still can't sit at our table.

Do what you love and the money will follow. It may never catch up, however.

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. No one should throw stones. It's just not a good idea.

Your not losing a daughter. You're paying for a very expensive party and then they're both moving in with you due to the economy.

March to the beat of your own drummer, and then settle down. You look funny when you march.