Whenever I take time to pack my luggage carefully, my boyfriend starts playing a loop of the Tetris melody on his cellphone.
My long distance girlfriend makes me shave before we skype.
My husband and I were in Target today when we ran into one of my mother's friends, who asked if I was feeling better, and when I was due. I'd been feeling ill due to the pregnancy, and it was sweet of her to ask. My husband answered, "She's due February 12th." I looked at him, asking, "WHAT?! My due date is February 10th! Why would you think it was February 12th?" My husband argued with me for a good two minutes that I must be wrong about my due date, and then, it dawned on him
"Oh yeah, oops, February 12th is the date that the Star Wars movies are going to start being re-released in 3D! You know, when important dates are that close together, I get them mixed up!"
I was being a nice guy by doing the dishes while my girlfriend did homework in the bedroom. She suddenly came rushing out and stuck her bloody fingers under the faucet before calmly returning to the bedroom. I asked, "Did you cut yourself?" To which she replied, "No." Oh god. Does that mean..? Well, time to buy some new plates
My girlfriend and I celebrate she's not pregnant every month.
After reading all these articles I feel as if my relationship sucks
My boyfriend never does anything cute or romantic..
Every time after my girlfriend and I fornicate, she insists on playing with my flaccid member and calls it a privilege of being a girlfriend.
After giving me a handjob my girlfriend flexes her arm and shows me her biceps
My girlfriend says she rather have foot massages over sex.
The other night me and my boyfriend had a little competition to see who could get one of my nipples hard first. I took the left boob, he took the right. He tried his very best but I won :)
Today, my girlfriend, whom I'm still in love with, told me she was dating another guy
It wasn't until I got home and read that Sarah Schneider is leaving Collegehumor for SNL that I started crying about how miserable things were going in my life