If tears came out like soft serve, I think all the world's sadness would solve itself.
-Steve Etheridge @Stetheridge
I like Ultimate Frisbee because it doesn't have to deal with the convoluted continuity issues of regular Frisbee.
-Andrew Bridman @AndyBridgman
The only people on the subway I feel worse for than the homeless are the good-looking. If they had any sort of a break in life, they'd be taking a cab.
-Alex Watt @AlexanderWatt
My girlfriend and I just aborted triplets. We posthumously named them Ctrl, Alt, and Delete.
-Wiseguy Pictures @WiseguyPictures
Let's face it you guys defeatism will never be a thing
-Julie Shain @JulieShain
It's called a food court cause if you eat there, you are giving the world permission to judge you.
-Ryan Purtill @RyanPurtill
If you put your mind to it, you can make any dream a reality. And that, officers, is why I walked into this high school Calculus exam naked.
-Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit