Soldier: General Tso, I just received word that the Muslim army is approaching. Should I inform the troops to stand guard?

General Tso: Hold on a second, I think I might be onto something here.

Soldier: Is it a new battle formation?

General Tso: No, this is much better.

Soldier: A healing mixture for men who have been wounded in combat?

General Tso: Do we have any chili peppers? I swear I saw them around here somewhere.

Soldier: Ah, a weapon that causes temporary blindness to our enemies perhaps?

General Tso: Here, try this and tell me what you think.

Soldier: Is that… chicken?

General Tso: I'm worried that I used too much cornstarch.

Soldier: Sir, the Muslims are going to arrive any minute.

General Tso: I always start out using the measuring cups but then I get cocky and start eyeballing it, ya know?

Soldier: With all due respect, a recipe should be the least of your concerns right now.

General Tso: It's hard because everyone has a different idea about how big a serving size should be.

Soldier: Look, over that hill… the Muslims are crossing into our territory! What should I tell the troops?

General Tso: Take a poll, I want to see how often they eat poultry during a typical week.

Soldier: Our men are going to die if you don't act quickly!

General Tso: Oh, that reminds me, while you're at it, figure out how many of them are on a diet. This stuff makes you feel pretty bloated afterwards and I don't think the health junkies are gonna go for it.

Soldier: We can still win this war! Your name will live on forever if you just give me the orders!

General Tso: That's a great idea… I'll name it after myself. That way when people order it they'll think of me.

Soldier: Wouldn't you rather be remembered for your displays of courage on the battlefield?

General Tso: Eh… honestly, the whole general thing is just a family tradition. But this… this has a chance to be something big.

Soldier: Please, give me something.

General Tso: Can you imagine? People walking into restaurants filled with outdated photographs of the menu items and ordering my chicken!

Soldier: They're scaling the walls! Do you not have a soul?

General Tso: Let me know what happens. I'll be in the back looking for those chili peppers.