Okay, so Carol is really terrible at her job and probably should be fired, but does that mean she should have overheard your impression of her trying to send a fax? As hilarious as it is, probably not. You have really got her weird accent down this time, though. Kudos. She's crying in the ladies room now.

Oh, real funny guys. What are we, 11? God, they are so immature. Just wait til you get them back at the party tomorrow night in front of all the new sorority pledges. It would have been a whole lot less embarrassing if you hadn't decided to see what "going commando" felt like today.

Note to self: stop going to the burrito cart for lunch every Wednesday. Sure they're delicious, but people are starting to suspect it isn't just a weird smelling elevator phenomenon when that odor wafts out of the almost empty area for their ride back up to the office with you.

You won the pie eating battle, but you lost the not-throwing-it-up war. It might have been a bigger mistake than you realized to choose the Throttler for your victory lap. Being spun so fast you are held back only by gravity is a lot more fun when it isn't also causing you to shower yourself, your date, and a group of 7 year olds with the partly digested prize winning pie. Next time go for the teacups.

No matter how many times you say, "Oh gosh, this is so embarrassing," they still won't give you that pack of gum for .59 cents instead of .75, and no one else is going to pony up the difference for you. Just get out of line or use your debit card like the rest of us. Yes, your mom will transfer you some more money later, so you can stop texting her about it already.