It doesn't surprise anyone that cats are this easily susceptible to drug use, does it? Their brain when there's a laser pointer in the room is the exact same chemical compound that ecstasy is made of.

This works for literally anything that's green—apples, crayons, money. Smoke 'em if you got 'em! Honestly though, real life recycling seems SO DUMB right now.

Sidenote: Garry is married to Marilyn Manson's sister, Meg Manson. Their daughter is actually Katy Perry, but they're a little uncomfortable admitting that.

Poor Gay Robot. He just got out of that emotionally abusive relationship with C-3PO and now has to deal with more rejection. At least he doesn't have to pretend to understand that idiot R2D2 anymore.

Blind people be trippin'! For real, they are unfortunately more prone to falling all over themselves due to their condition. Especially if they outright ignore the fact that they are blind and attempt to go about life like that's an okay thing to do.

Here is a list of safer places to propose to your girlfriend: anywhere else. Seriously, now that we're getting out of Iraq, hockey games are statistically the most violent place in the world. Google it.

My brother used to get so pissed at me during Legends of the Hidden Temple when the team I chose would beat his. He rationalized that my team could hear me cheering for them better than his and so his team's morale was lower, I guess. I'm just glad we never took things this far.

Which is worse: having to wear a condom to get laid or the fact that you now "…have a whole office of penis screamers." Safe sex, guys. It's for your own good.

If someone comes by to see their childhood home which you now occupy, you are legally obligated to allow their nostalgic trip down memory lane by inviting them inside. They don't even need your permission, this was their house first, bitch! Step the f*ck aside! Fine! Call the cops! Like I care! Aww, look, that's how tall I was when I was 11. That was my growth spurt year, for sure.

Remember that time you tried to eat the hemp necklace you got for your 12th birthday because you knew it was made of the same thing as weed and you were sure it would get you high? No reason, that was just a really dumb thing to do.