The night of Homecoming, I went to a mixer between my sorority sisters and a fraternity. I ended up clicking with a guy, playing jenga for hours, then finally getting down to the dirty as the sun rose. We passed out and woke up at noon, just in time for all his fraternity brothers to start rising and making breakfast. I had no choice but to walk through the kitchen wearing last night's clothing. He walked me out but I definitely heard his round of applause as he headed back inside. On the upside, he asked to see me again.
One time my wife and I were watching TV when a commercial came on for a restaurant, showing food and what not. She gets a big grin on her face looks at me and says, "Wow, that smells so good!"
I got dumped over the phone by my ex and she was mad at me because I was not upset about being dumped. Sorry that I took it so well?
My girlfriend was a carrier of mono. Eventually, I got mono from one of our make-out sessions. When she found out that I had mono and we couldn't suck each other's faces, she cheated on me with two of my friends because I had mono
.which she gave me
Whenever my girlfriend and I have sex, she will yank on my nipple ring if she thinks I'm about to climax before her. Well, the last time we were going at it I thought it would be funny to pretend that I finished before her and piss her off
she ripped it right out..
When I stay at my girlfriend's place, she sleeps on the side of the bed furthest from the alarm clock, and every morning when it goes off, while she is still fast asleep, she swings with an open palm and full force to hit the snooze button, but smacks me in the face instead
Drunk, stoned, or sober my girlfriend is annoying.
At the end of a nice first date, the guy I was with told me that I reminded him of his ex-girlfriend but "less of a crazy bitch."
So yesterday my girlfriend of 10 months texts me about how she had just fallen asleep on her ex's lap while he had a boner. This was about around midnight when i was home in bed. thanks for sharing babe
My girlfriend got angry at me for masturbating. Now she thinks I don't do it anymore.
Whenever I give my boyfriend a handjob, I like to make sound effects.
Whenever I haven't shaved for at least a day my girlfriend uses my scruff as a backscratcher, facescratcher, or an armscratcher.